Mi Viejito Se fue..

Hoy es un dia muy triste.. Porque hoy mi Viejito se fue. Se fue en camino a un lugar mejor donde ya no sentira ningun dolor o tristeza. Donde la salsa buena no deja de tocar.. donde solo hay alegria y gozo! Ayy mi Viejito que mucho te voy extrañar.. Hoy mi corazon llorar pues no te puedo dar tu ultimo adios! Solo me quedar mis recuerdos.. Ayy mi Viejito nunca te voy olvidar! Te quiero y algun dia nos volveremos a encontrar.  Que descanses en paz!

God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!

So in the letter I wrote to the person that once was so special to me.. Love is therefore a "decision". not just a feeling. I have decided to let you go and any feelings I have for you. Few days go by and he calls me do I answer? No.. Why go back on what I've decided or even said in that letter. My love for him is great but not greater than me or how I deserve to be treated by a person I once considered my friend when in fact he was so much more than that. I could only wish you well on your new journey and may you always be true to your heart.

Sincerely,
Maria

Living with the scars..

Today I saw the picture of a fellow breast cancer survivor who like me underwent a bilateral mastectomy the removal of both breast. I think no woman knows what it is to be strong until you've looked at yourself in the mirror after such a surgery. I remember waiting hours in the hospital and when I was finally taken into surgery I felt the tears running down my face and in my mind I said this is it Maria there's no going back.. Post surgery I was in so much pain and discomfort but so happy to see my family faces. One day later I was headed home to recover with two draining tubes on each side that help fluids exit the body. Once I hit my bed oh my God it felt like I had to bricks on my chest and in so much pain but I tried to focus on the positive side of having most of my favorite people around hanging out and spoiling me.  Now once I saw the snitches and staples on my chest it was a little hard to look at but after they were removed it was less painful to see what cancer had done to me. A young 25 year old woman who was so filled of life was so down and depressed asking why? but prayer help me gain a better understanding of what I was going through and instead of asking why? I asked what must I learned from all of this. And as soon as I know it that sad woman was gone and this new positive woman was born ready to face the world. I learned that life isn't perfect and everyone goes through difficult times but its times like these that you learn to be strong as well as you learn to appreciate the simple things of life. Like being around those who truly love and support you or even enjoying the sun shining through your window every day which lets you know you lived another day. "After the storm comes a rainbow.." In this case reconstruction which helped me through this whole transition and feel a bit more normal though I gotta say it isn't the prettiest view because your breast will never look the same again. Though I look at myself and see the scars and disfigurement left behind by breast cancer I'm thankful I could say that its made me feel stronger to know I've survived it all with the help of my family, friends and faith I have in God.

Even if it was a dream..

"As I gazed into your eyes something inside me forever changed... You laid there by my side and gave me a smile that tore down the walls surrounding my heart.. I found what I'd been looking for all along.. that magic feeling I could never have before.. I felt you there.. beside me.. taking my hand in yours.. When the tears faded away and I came to my senses.. You gave me a promise I'd been dying to hear since the moment we met.. You told me that we'll always be together... Time and space ceased to be.. Our threads of fate became one.. All the pain, doubt and fear in the world would not keep us apart.. Not anymore.. If I'd have died right then and there in your arms, it wouldn't matter.. It still would have been the happiest moment of my life.. Death is only death.. and you.. are so much more.. But then something happened.. The dream ended.. I was forced to open my eyes only to realize.. that I had lost you once again.. I had returned back to reality along with the sad shards of my broken Heart.. The torment of nothingness inside me caused grief unlike any other.. And still.. I wouldn't trade that one moment of true happiness.. for anything.. even if it was just a dream.. Though just a pleasant illusion - the time we shared together felt real enough to me.. And that's why I love the nightly darkness so.. For I can't wait to close my eyes.. fall asleep once more.. and find you there again.."
 

Life goes on..

I think when you face difficult moments in your life it's easy to say you're okay but deep down inside your hurting and hoping things will get easier. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 I never knew how difficult life was until I had to make serious decisions about my health at the age of 25. At a time when I just wanted to be around friends and party the night away but I realized what really mattered when I was lying in my bed all cut up due to surgery (bilateral mastectomy) in terrible pain and telling myself is this it? Will I ever be that happy and silly person again that loved to dance and sing. And the answer is yes! I might have loss a certain part of my body (breasts) but I gained so much through this experience. I learned to appreciate the simple things and life itself because there no better feeling than waking up everyday thankful for the little you have. I think it's important to always stand strong with your head up and never lose your faith in life.